What My Dentist Appointment Reminded Me About Human Connection

I almost canceled my dentist appointment.

Too much to do. Not enough time. You know the drill.
(Pun absolutely intended.)

But since there’s never a good time to have someone scrape your teeth with sharp metal tools, I forced myself to go anyway.

A few minutes later, I was reclined in the chair, mouth wide open, when my dental hygienist – kind, upbeat, and very chatty – started firing off question after question with metal tools in my mouth.

It was tough to answer under these circumstances.
I could feel my irritation bubbling up.
I wanted to get out as soon as possible and get back to work.

And then it hit me. She is seeking connection. PEER CONNECTION is one of the 28 human motives we’ve identified at Motives Met through our research that drive our well-being and performance. And even though she’s around people all day, she doesn’t really get to connect with them. These little conversations might be one of the few genuine moments of connection she has all day.

So instead of going into “please stop talking and let’s just finish this cleaning” mode, I decided to play along.

I smiled (as much as one can with a suction tube in their mouth).
I laughed. I nodded. I even paused the cleaning to answer a few questions and asked some back.

And you know what, it felt good. Sure, I could have been out of that appointment 20 minutes earlier, but I could see the small impact I was making on her day, even if connection at work wasn’t a big driver for me. PEER CONNECTION is not one of my top motives. Out of the 28 needs, some are our biggest motivators right now, and others… not so much. I get plenty of connection outside of work, and as a social introvert, it’s just not one of my top needs professionally.

But that’s the point.

A better world of work and life happens when we understand that what drives us won’t always drive others.

When we notice what matters to people around us and choose to care –  even in small, fleeting moments, we create a ripple effect of well-being.

“How was your weekend?” No, really — how was it?

A similar thing happened last year with a new partner we started working with.

We hopped on a call to dive into a project, and he asked me, “How was your weekend?”

My brain immediately went, Let’s skip the small talk and get to it. When I’m in get sh*t done mode, I can easily bypass connection moments.
But then I caught myself, he was trying to genuinely connect.

So instead of brushing it off, I told him about my weekend highlights, including a hike.
Turns out, he’s a hiker too.
We went on a ten-minute tangent, swapping trail stories and favorite climbs.

And honestly? It was the best ten minutes we could’ve spent.
Because before diving into deadlines and deliverables, we’d already built greater trust, comfort, and connection.

Here’s the thing about connection:

We talk a lot about building deeper connections at work, and that’s an important part of connecting too. But connection isn’t all deep talks or lifelong friendships. According to researcher Simone Heng, there are five types of connection; we need all of them, and the smallest ones matter just as much. 

When those micro moments go missing?
That’s when we start to feel disconnected, invisible, lonely.

So the next time you find yourself in a moment that feels inconvenient or trivial or thinking “I don’t have time for this” –  a chat with a barista, small talk with a coworker, or a dental hygienist asking questions you can’t answer…pause.

That tiny interaction might be filling someone’s emotional tank in ways you can’t see.
And maybe, it will even end up filling yours.