“Your nervous system will always choose familiar chaos over unfamiliar peace until you learn to heal and choose differently.” – Melissa Blynn

Last New Year’s, I found myself sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with 15 people inside a tiny pitch-black, 105-degree sweat lodge for 2.5 hours tucked deep in the Mexican jungle, basically a brick pizza oven for humans.

Drums beat.
Steam hissed.
Sweat dripped.

By round three of the Temazcal Ceremony, I was sure I’d pass out. By round four, I drifted somewhere between consciousness and some level of hallucination. The combination of heat, intensity, and darkness has a way of pulling things we bury to the surface. That contrast, the intense discomfort followed by release, is what resets the nervous system.

I went in planning to last maybe 30 seconds.

I’m claustrophobic. I don’t do heat. I’m the person who fainted once in hot yoga. Everything in my body screamed NOPE.

My instinct? Run.
My practice? Stay.

And on the other side of staying, I walked out proud, more confident, clear, resilient, and brave, with a willingness to hold more than before.

I was on a Nervous System Reset retreat, a “wellness vacation,” the kind you imagine as massages, sunshine, and green juice. And yes, there was comfort: nourishing food, meditation, ocean views, hikes, and connection.

But the retreat was about comfort and paradoxically even more so about discomfort. 

The kind that changes not only how you live, but how you lead.

It’s your tolerance for discomfort that will transform the way you show up as a leader and the workplaces you create. 

The Paradox Leaders Miss: The Key to Calm Isn’t Comfort, It’s Discomfort Tolerance

We talk a lot about “creating calm workplaces.”

And we should!

Most people are functioning in what science calls a sympathetic-dominant state, a chronic fight/flight/freeze/fawn response triggered by:

• Constant Slack pings
• Overbooked calendars
• Unclear expectations
• Economic uncertainty
• The pressure to always be “on”

We’re not stressed once in a while.
We’re stressed as a lifestyle.

We want more calm, but we can’t access it without expanding our nervous system, growing our tolerance for what’s less than calm and comfy. Melissa Doman, an organizational psychologist, author, and workplace mental health expert, defines discomfort tolerance as “our ability to manage and accept uncomfortable feelings or situations without being reactive or engaging in unhealthy behaviors.”

The Leadership Tool You’re Probably Ignoring: Your Nervous System

Every day of the retreat, we trained our nervous systems to grow our capacity for the uncomfortable with things like:

Breathwork

Accelerated breathing that reduced oxygen to the brain. Gets pretty uncomfortable at first, pushing you into a light-headed panic, but designed to help you access deeper subconscious layers of your mind. 

TRE (Trauma & Tension Release Exercises)

A sequence of movements that brings on involuntary shaking, activating your body’s natural tremor response. Weird at first. It’s your system dumping old survival stress, and the whole point is to let it do its thing and continue to shake instead of shutting it down to move through it.

Thermogenesis (aka: the Ice Bath)

Submerged in freezing water high up on a cliff, breathing through each instinct to escape.

The Temazcal Ceremony 

This was the toughest for me, but it built a new layer of capacity and deeper resilience.

At the end of the day, this is a story about capacity.

Your leadership is shaped by the capacity of your nervous system.

A regulated leader becomes an emotional anchor, creating the safety, clarity, and steadiness people need to perform and thrive.

Your nervous system determines:

• How you respond under pressure
• How clearly you think
• Whether people feel safe around you
• Whether you can stay present or emotionally check out
• Whether you react from fear or lead from grounded intention

When leaders are dysregulated, everything gets harder:

• Conversations
• Decisions
• Team dynamics
• Conflict
• Innovation
• Communication

Your nervous system walks into the room before you do. 

People can feel if you’re grounded.
They can feel if you’re spinning.
They can feel if you’re secretly about to snap.

Researchers call it neuroception, our unconscious ability to detect safety or danger in others.

I know this firsthand.
Years ago, I had a toxic, high-stress job. I’d walk into our Monday status meeting with full-blown “tornado energy” –  frazzled, rushed, bracing for impact.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but my nervous system was setting the tone for the entire team. It wasn’t helping a tough situation, it was hurting it.

Calm is contagious.
So is chaos.

Can’t Make It to the Jungle? Here’s What You Can Do.

If you have the chance to go on a nervous system reset retreat, say yes.  But if a trip to the jungle isn’t on your calendar, there’s plenty you can do right where you are.

Start with this: build a nervous-system toolkit that’s uniquely yours.
Experiment. Notice what works for you and what doesn’t; each of us is different. Collect the best practices you can reach for when stress, conflict, or any discomfort arises. A simple breath or intentional pause can re-center us.

Here are just a few things to consider:

Reframe challenges.
Instead of “This is uncomfortable,” try: “What is this here to teach me?” or ”I’m capable of being with this feeling.” The nervous system hears the difference. 

Use a pattern interrupt.
The moment you feel your old habits kicking in, the snap, the shutdown, the over-explaining, hit pause, take a breath, and change something.

One tiny interruption can save you from a spiral. My personal favorite? Breathing in the shape of an infinity sign. It sounds simple, but it works for me every time.

Pause before responding.
Give yourself that small, powerful space between trigger and reaction. Learning to hit pause to respond before you react.  

A micro body scan
Start at the top of your head and work down: Release your jaw. Drop your shoulders. Unclench your hands. Plant your feet. Your body can signal to your brain that you’re safe.

Name what you feel.
Naming emotions reduces their activation and their ability to take you on a rollercoaster ride.  

Practice micro-discomfort.
Stretch conversations. New responsibilities. Telling the truth with kindness. Small doses build bigger capacity.

If you want a more grounded team, it starts with the groundedness you hold.

Ask yourself:

• Can I calm myself before I react?
• Do people feel emotionally safe around me?
• Do I try to fix discomfort instead of staying with it?
• Do I model navigating challenges or avoiding it?

What Discomfort Will You Embrace in 2026?

I try to remind myself often: discomfort is the price of admission for the life and leadership we want.
Whatever your version of temazcal is this year…
the conversation you’ve avoided,
the boundary you’ve been scared to set,
the leap you want to take,
the change you know you need to make 

Your capacity grows in the moments you choose to stay with it.

I only know that sitting in a pitch-black,105-degree sweat lodge for 2.5 hours with a surprise tarantula cameo, yes it pleasantly made its way in there, reminded me that we’re all a lot more resilient than we tend to believe.

And that’s the invitation: to meet whatever arises with a bit more capacity, a bit more breath. To lead with a bit more calm and a bit more courage.